| CARLIN | Comedian George who said, "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten" |
| CLOBBER | Clothes? You can't beat them! (7) |
| NEMESES | You can't beat them |
| ERMA | Bombeck who said, "If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it" |
| TRUMAN | President who said, "If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em" |
| HST | Prez who said "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" |
| CICERO | Murdered by Mark Antony's soldiers, the Roman orator and philosopher "Tully" who said "If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need" (6) |
| HAVEL | President who said "If you want to see your plays performed the way you wrote them, become president" |
| SAHL | Satirist who said "If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job" |
| ALANKING | Comic who said "If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books" |
| ELIOT | Poet who said "If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?" |
| CHEGUEVARA | Who said "If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine" |
| ALI | Athlete who said, "If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize" |
| YOGIBERRA | Baseball catcher and manager who said "If you come to a fork in the road, take it" |
| JOINEM | What to do if you can't beat the suckers |
| KOCH | New York City mayor who said, "If you agree with me on twelve out of twelve [issues], see a psychiatrist" |
| JOIN | "If you can't beat 'em, ___ 'em" |
| THEM | If you can't beat ___, join ___ (4) |
| AGELIMIT | If young, you can't beat this papaya gel -- I'm itching to sample (3,5) |
| ATOMISED | Dame is to arrange to have it reduced to a fine spray (8) |
